Messi Seen Getting Off Plane In Manchester

16:48: "I'm sitting in my hermit's cave here in the Penines doing my tax return when my mate who works in the Body Shop next door to Anfield rings me. He says he's just served James "Ian" Jim "Rush" Jamie Redknapp's son, who says his dad's just signed for the Reds! YNWA!"

Barack, Penines, via text on 81111

1643: "I'm sitting in the chippie in Carrington and who walks in but Hunter Herst "The Rock" Helmsley! MVP himself! He had a City shirt in one hand and a bag of money in the other. He ordered a battered sausie and a pickled egg. 15.8m fee"
RobbieK on 606

1622: "I've been riding the bus all morning, and haven't caught a glimpse of Robinho. Something's up..."

Chops Ops, Manchester, via text on 81111

1413: "My mate is the Liverpool kitman's daughter's boyfriend's cousin's mate and he tells me Rafa is lining up a last minute bid for Tottenham Hotspur striker Robbie Keane! The perfect foil for Torres, I think he could be the last piece of the puzzle to push us back above the Scum! Superb la!"

CopyrightTheLiverbird on 606

1388: "My dad is Alex Ferguson's baptist minster and he reliably informs me the Sir confessed to him this morning in his precious daily communion, apparently he's transferring to sign as player manager for Airbus UK FC with Gareth Owen and Mark Cadwallader going the other way! Heard it here first!"
Gordon B Rown via Clay Pidgeon carrier

1204: "Just texted my mateJeremie Defoe and he claims he's signing forBallymena United on a part-time sponsorship deal giving halfhis wages to the Charity for Jewish Mammals. Get in!!"
Ray Stubbs, Clady, Northern Ireland

1053: "My mate's just informed me via a reliable source that his girlfriend saw Messi stepping off the runway at Heathrow Terminal 3 despite thick snow carrying a Chelsea shirt in one arm and a bottle of vodka in the other?"
Jeff in Hartlepool, via text on 81111

0926: "My sister is a hairdresser in Coventry and she says she's just had an order from her boss to stock up bleach as Cisse is joining City on loan??"
Noe1 on 606