Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Bruce! Reviews

andycarroll2007, 5 Stars
Bruce! changed my life. His beautiful descriptions of the things he saw lying on the street on the way home from Fratton Park one day had me in floods of tears. Never has such glorious prose been penned as that of Bruce!

monfilsmonfils, 5 Stars
Every new page was sheer delight to me, as Blutes manages to evoke the full gamut of emotions, often within a single sentence, or within a single word, such is his genius. A better book you never will read. 

the_crab_man, 5 Stars
As I read the final chapter of Bruce!, tears streaming from my wrinkled face, erection in hand, I felt my soul become enbiggened by Barnesbot's glorious words. As I read the last words, I knew that my time was up, and I could not think of a more wonderful last memory as this. Thankyou, dearest Brimp. 

Vincent Grella5, 5 stars
When I first bought Bruce!, I read it cover to cover within a single year, and lent it to all my friends subsequently. I had the entire book read at my wedding, and the tears of the guests are a testament to the power of Blooper's delicious words. The scene with the robot maid and the wizard's sleeve caused one old woman to drop her britches!

Cant'Control_32, 5 Stars
I have hung the pages of Brote's masterpiece on strings from the ceiling of every room in my house, so that his orgasmic words can brush my ruddy face as I glide about my vast mansion. 

R_V_Nursie, 5 Stars
I was diagnosed with a wasting disease of the knee some 2 years ago, and feared all was lost until my good friend lent me his copy of Brondlebum's masterpiece. I ground it into a paste and applied it to my withered knee, and before the sun had set, I could walk again! Brubes is a miracleworker, his words heal all ills! Hail! The King cometh.

treat_the_bal_as_a_friend, 5 Stars
After the passing of my wife, my two young children were inconsolable, and would sob and weep all night long. At the end of my wits, mad with lack of sleep, I discovered this beautiful gem in an old chest in my attic. I read it to my children, and before the last word was read, they were both dead. Thankyou Bruce, now I sleep as soundly as a mouse, and my children's bodies make most serviceable pillows! 

Alan, 5 Stars
Growing up, I was a desperately unlucky man. Sewage pipes would burst in my house, flooding every floor with a foul drenching, women would be sick at the sight of my very face, any friends I managed to make would become victim to most horrible and grizzly deaths. One morning, having been locked out of my house, I was hit on the bonce by a book which fell from the sky. That book was Bruce! After reading Brutlebert's deleriously enchanting words, I ripped the pages from their binding and sewed them together into a suit, which I now wear every minute of my life. Since that day I have slept with over one thousand women, and have become the King of a small country. When I visit a sick man, he is cured at the sight of me, and birds fall from the sky in front of me so that I don't ever have to touch the soiled pavement with my feet. Surely Brandley's astonishing prose is alone the cause of my change in fortunes. I am indebted to it.

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