Tales From The Bed Of Scott Bakula: Volume 1

i've moved the webcam so that you can see my incredible chest better. i'll read to you from my diary while you watch it moving up and down as i breathe in and out. here is the entry i wrote on my first day on wizard's island.

Upon my arrival, I visited the apothecary for some herb or mushroom that would give me relief from my constant erections. The apothecarist rummaged in her drawers and found a paste which she said would alleviate the stress, and I gladly took it from her. I had her in the back room, against a mirror, while I admired how symmetrical my eyebrows were. When my business was done, I conjured a memory loss spell with my rune stones and left without paying. I enquired at the inn concerning lodgings, and convinced the barkeep to board me for no fee by promising to marry his young daughter, Gwen. I won't follow through with this, as Gwen is quite homely. Tomorrow I plan to steal Gwen's clothes and seduce the local butcher into lending me a club so I can bash the barkeep's brains in for serving my beer at room temperature.